I should really be sleeping since the next few days will be very busy with parties and other celebrations but I simply cannot rest my mind. I think back to last year at this very moment. Having a scheduled c-section allowed me to prepare mentally (sort of) for our baby the next day.
My mind was racing with responsibilities: Did I remember everything in the hospital bag? Is the house ready to bring a little bundle home? Have I fasted enough for the surgery?
My mind was also thinking about what this little baby would be like: What will he look like? How big will he be? Will he be healthy? I have to remember to tell him "Happy Birthday" and "I love you so much" as soon as I get to have him in my anticipatory arms.
My mind was also a little anxious about what was to come: Will I be a good Mama? Have I read enough baby books to know what to do in every situation? What if we simply cannot come up with a name by tomorrow?
ALL of these questions were erased from my mind and replaced with just love as soon as I heard his first little cry.
Dear: Kiptyn Campbell Welbourn,
You are our everything. You have filled our hearts and lives with more joy than we ever thought imaginable. I couldn't have even started to think what this day would feel like one year ago...nothing could have prepared me for the intense amount of pride, joy, love, and purpose you have brought to my life.
When I look in your beautiful big blue eyes, I see so much happiness. When I see those big lips, it makes me want to kiss you and kiss you and kiss you forever. When I see those tiny little feet that you try so hard to get into your shoes, I just want to tickle them and eat you up. When I put you to bed at night I miss you, and when you wake up in the morning I just cannot wait to hold you in my arms.
You are so close to walking. One finger helps you to move round and round the kitchen island again and again as you squeal with delight. One of these days you will be brave enough to let go and then comes a whole new world of independence. I love your baby smell, and I still think of you as a little baby. Your laughter makes me warm inside every time I hear it. You already know how to say four words (Hi, Dad, Mama and Uh oh). You LOVE yogurt and cannot live without it. Your favourite thing to do is to fit things into small spaces. You love playing with cars and your Scout puppy. Snuggling with us while watching, "Best of Elmo 2" or "Sid the Science Kid" is always a highlight of your day (and ours).
I don't know if I am ready for you to turn ONE yet....part of me wants you to stay my little baby forever, but another part of me knows that no matter how big or old you get, you will always be my little baby.
I will never forget the song I first sang to you when I brought you home from the hospital. I still sing it to you today and whenever I do it makes me think of that small little bundle I brought home and held close on that very first night when I was so happy, so scared, so proud, and so much in love all at once. "You're my little baby, baby, Kippy, Kippy-boo".
Kiptyn, as I sit here writing this and watching you through your video monitor fast asleep, I want to capture this moment forever. My life feels full and blessed because of you and I want you to know that you are all I ever dreamed about since I was a little girl. I love you so much.
Happy birthday my little Bug, you are ONE.
Love,
Mama
